Re-awakening

There have been time where I was involved into lots of writing and that too quality posts but unfortunately it got posted through some other people's name. In the rat race of making money or rather saving money, I am losing that I possess. Lots of money was made through my salary and the brief stint of writing articles for some of my so called distinguished client but ultimately 2 years on again I am on my rags, but the difference is that it is more than ever. SO I decided not to bottle up things or take the burnt on other things and return to my old habit of writing away all the things that I noticed or matters to me. At least that is the plan for now but how far it succeeds is a different question all together. Sleepless nights are not uncommon to me as I am an insomniac by nature but the fact is that the night outs has lost its charm. In fact everything has lost its charm. The "Jack Sparrow" like flamboyance is gone and so does the spirit and energy of "Indiana Jones". The only things that matters is getting the bucks and creating an aura of knowing-all person. SO the night outs has lost its charm. Every thing has been panned out in a box numerical sheet where every step is calculated. There are levels of permission and acceptance and even insanity has become fake and pre-planned. The fun and wants are becoming similar like a handful of sands where the more you try to hold on the more you spill. Drinking and smoking has become a habit and no longer a style statement. It is just a way to vent out the anger and frustration we feel but cannot express. And the funny fact is that the thing which we strive for becomes the source of our disappointment, anger or frustration. The situation reminds me of the bizarre story of "the butterfly effect" where the more you try to put things straight the more difficult it gets. The naughtyness is replaced by knottyness and we are moving in a vicious circle where we are never content or happy. And groping through darkness where we can only listen to others for directions and no body is sure of the right one. Again we lost our simple ways of life and try to find the answers, when ironically we don't know the exact question so in-evidently don't know the right place to find an answer. But as I am writing all these non sensical articles I am torn between choice and indecisiveness again as to embrace and content with what I have or seek for better conditions for my life. Actually however hard we are trying to become better we even lose what is good in us. For me the realization dawns so that we may accept and cherish what is good with us for some time and let things take its own course. Atleast better can never be best only it is a bit more of good. SO let's find the good and better will obviously follow. Whatever this torturous article should end now, and it really feels nice to come back to this place after almost 2 long years. Thank you for reading (if anyone does that). Good night all. Till next time.